Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Why I suck at tag and have month-old hotel chocolates at the bottom of my purse

So Jessica challenged me to go into the deepest darkest recesses of my inner being and disclose everything that I carry in my purse.  I said "why" and she said "because I tagged you" and I said "ok" and that was that.

(I should probably mention that I wasn't great at tag as a kid.  Some kid would come up and whap me on the shoulder and say "YOU'RE IT" and I would say "ok" and then just stand there.  Obviously, not much has changed.)

So I emptied out my monster bag and looked at the contents.

And it wasn't all that interesting.

What does this say about me?  Quite possibly that I just have too much shit in my purse.

Let's break it down, shall we?

(1) Two iPhones. (Yes, two. One for work and one for not work.  I believe in separation of church and state.)

(2) Ear buds for iPhone because you can't hold your phone and drive and talk and put on lip gloss and change the radio station at the same time in California.  So if you put in ear buds, you can drive and talk and put on lip gloss and change the radio station at the same time and that is completely legal and ok.

(3) Bottle of Advil.  Because my life requires Advil and I like to rattle when I walk.

(4) Mexican restaurant brochure that was handed to me by random street guy that presumably works for said Mexican restaurant.

(5) Hair spray.  Duh.

(6) Business card holder.  Not that my job is awesome or important enough to require business cards, but I like to have them on hand to put in glass fish bowls at local restaurants so I can "Win a Free Lunch!"  I've never won.  I think this could be a wide spread scam.  Dateline should definitely investigate.

(7) Tiffany's jewelry pouch which came with Valentine's Day present from the Boy.  Not sure why pouch is still in my purse.  Not sure Valentine's Day present was actually from Tiffany's.  Just sayin'.

(8) Business card from sales person in Louis Vuitton.  Just looking.

(9) Three pens.  I steal hotel pens.  Don't judge.

(10) Wallet, tissues, ponytail band, checks (do people still write checks?), and fortune cookie fortune from three months ago.

(11) Way cool electric blue iPod Nano purchased on Sunday to replace poor, sad, broken iPod Classic that died right after I tried to upload Neil Diamond song.  May be a connection there.

(12) ClubBev! membership card.  No explanation needed.

(13) Lip gloss, three lip balms, two eye liners, hand lotion, perfume, hand sanitizer, deodorant, mints and plastic baggie for all of the aforementioned in case I get a call on the Bat-Phone and have to go through airport security on a moment's notice.

(14) Memo book for super-fly blog ideas or grocery store lists.  Actually contains only grocery store lists.

(15) One open DayQuil packet.  Left over from Florida debacle.

(16) Ritz Carlton pillow chocolate from A MONTH AGO.  Possibly provided by Ritz Carlton as consolation prize for not having porn.

(17) Motrin packet.  (See also Florida debacle.)

(18) Gas-X.  For those special times when I'm shopping for greeting cards (and if you don't already know this story - forget it - I'm not repeating it).

(19) Movie receipt from Alice in Wonderland.  Trippy.

(20) Face blotters that don't really work but I carry them JUST IN CASE I am ever confronted with an emergency face-blotting situation.


So I think the rules say that I'm supposed to 'tag' some other people and challenge them to empty out THEIR purses, but since I suck at tag and am generally lazy and would secretly be devastated if I tagged somebody else and they were all like "fuck off", I'm not going to do that.  If you feel the urge to disclose your purse-type secrets and write about it, please let me know.  I'm always into looking behind the blinds of other people's lives - in the same creepy way that I love it when people leave their curtains open at night.

Personally, I think we should all dump out and talk about the contents of our bedside tables.  Or not.

By the way, in case you hadn't noticed, there is no Honey, It Ain't from Target Tuesday today because, yah, um, I don't feel like it.  Try to get over it.


  1. I'd play, but there's no purse... and I'd check my pockets, but I'm not wearing any pants. TMI?

    I like your attitude about tagging. Does that mean you don't accept awards, either?

  2. I feel like I'm looking into my own purse. There's so much stuff in there that whenever I go to find something I refer to it as "plunging into the abyss." I think I might have a random restaurant menu in there, too.

    I may partake in this purse dumping activity. I'd totally have sent you an electronic hug (is that too much?) instead of a "fuck off" if you'd tagged me. Your posts are always so entertaining.

  3. You totally took away the handcuffs, spatula, lube, blindfold, vibrator, magic 8-ball, ski goggles, yellow rubber gloves, whoopie cushion and bat phone before you took the picture.

  4. I'm dying. you kill me. unfortunately all I have is my travel purse. Westin hotel key, wallet (two credit cards and one atm card a bunch of SA Rand that makes me feel like a baller until i factor in the exchange rate, blackberry, i touch, piece of gum.....

  5. Oh my gosh. Well, sadly, I too use my purse to collect remnants from every aspect of my life. It's like going on an archeological dig for God's sakes.

    I need to go clean out my purse...


  6. IT - I don't know...nobody ever gave me an award. I think there are some obvious reasons for that. So having never received an award, I can say that I never received an award because I don't accept awards! How's THAT?!

    Lou - Let's see it, girl! You just got done traveling...you have to have good shit in there!

    Wow - The magic 8-ball is on my desk at work...if I showed you the BatPhone then I would have to kill you...and I did leave out the voodoo doll cuz I didn't want anyone to think I was, like, weird.

    B - Do you have a way cool money clip too?

    Kat - and SHARE! :)

  7. This is so much fun! Now I'm kicking myself for cleaning out my purse over the weekend. There's nothing much interesting left in there anymore.

    I don't know what Club Bev! is, but it sounds like it might involve drinks which means I am jealous of it.

  8. And I thought I had a lot of shit in my purse!

  9. I steal pens from hotels too!

    I don't like reading tags cause sometimes they are just BLAH, but yours was fun!

  10. Salt - ClubBev! is for BevMo! (it's like Sam's Club! for alcohol!)

    Candice - I keep hearing that Armageddon is coming and I want to be prepared, but also look cute...so I carry a lot of stuff.

    Bitch - Best stolen hotel pen: Ritz Carlton. It's a trade off - no porn / good pen.

  11. I'm just like you! Look at how messy my purse is: http://glammed.blogspot.com/2010/03/does-that-make-me-crazy-possibly.html

  12. yes!! Love it! BTW, Im not sure what I have in my bedside table is appropriate for readers....

  13. Thanks for checking out my blog!

    I really love yours...so entertaining and I am crazy about the blog name/subtitle. Consider me a new follower.

    Re: my purse. Not going to lie, I keep it clean and super minimal (wallet, keys, blackberry, and the occasional hair tie, nail file, lip gloss). I hate clutter plus I am always spilling shit in it. This morning it was almost the entire contents of my water bottle and I had to stick my bag in front of my space heater for two hours when I got into the office. Can't keep anything non essential in there in the event I spill.

  14. Holy crap, that's a lot of stuff! The last time I cleaned out my purse I found 7 pairs of socks and 5 energy bars, among other things!