Well, my shit don’t stink. Take a whiff…it’s true.
For you innocents out there who haven’t been party to the riveting poo-related discoveries we’ve been making over here, go here for a recap.
So the Poofdrops arrived here a few days ago. I apologize for the delayed results, but YOU CANNOT RUSH THESE THINGS.
Poofdrops Clinical Trial Recap:
Clinical trial parameters: one participant (n=1). (The Boy is waiting on the findings before committing to post-trial activities. Coward.)
Clinical trial questions:
(1) Does my poo smell of Japanese Mint?
(2) What does Japanese Mint smell like? (like poo?)
(3) Does the subtle, fresh and clean aroma of my poo take me to a far away, exotic land?
SO HERE ARE THE RESULTS....
Clinical Trial Observations:
Box is very cute and in relaxing poop-inducing shades of soft green. Box also contains very very important warnings.
DO NOT PUT POOF IN YOUR EYES.
DO NOT CONSUME.
There must have been problems with this in the past in order to necessitate such dire warnings. It really is too bad that you can’t drink Poofdrops and shit Japanese Mint. The world would be a much more pleasant place.
Directions for use: "Immediately before using toilet, squeeze one or two drops of Poof into toilet bowl water to release a refreshing scent. Wash hands thoroughly with soap and water after each use." (Interpretation - don't put directly on ass - and if you have to be reminded to wash your hands after taking a dump, you are too stupid and gross to live.)
Marketing promise on box: "Poof was developed with the bathroom conscious in mind. This innovative liquid toilet deodorizer will provide a new way of doing your business." (haha…”doing your business”)
Packaging: Poofdrops bottle is covered in a thick plastic seal that requires scissors, nail clippers, box cutters, a torch and an axe to open.
Clinical Trial Findings:
Question: Does my poo smell of Japanese Mint?
Answer: No, my poo actually smells of Wrigley’s Spearmint gum.
Question: What does Japanese Mint smell like?
Answer: Evidently it smells like Wrigley’s Spearmint gum.
Question: Does the subtle, fresh and clean aroma of my poo take me to a far away, exotic land?
Answer: Almost. But neither does Wrigley’s Spearmint gum.
POOF MAKES YOUR SHIT SMELL LIKE GUM.
So my opinion...
I followed the directions and heeded the warnings. I did not put it in my eyes.
AND IT FUCKING WORKED! It’s delightful. It’s fresh. It's minty.
I swear I’m buying 10 more bottles. I wouldn’t recommend it for the day after tequila, chili and corn on the cob, but it holds its own with bran muffins and Activia. It also can't help with farts. That's a market gap that is still waiting to be filled.
I know that some of you out there are all "Well I don't want my shit to smell like gum." My response to you...the alternative is that it smells like, well, SHIT.
Wait and see people…Poof is going to make the world a better, gum-scented place.