Wednesday, March 10, 2010

First class - she just ain't classy no more

I travel…a lot.  Some if it is business travel.  Some of it is personal (i.e. going to see the Boy) travel.  Some of it, like this trip, is a combination of both.  Regardless, I’m in airports A LOT.

The state of travel has been deteriorating for some time.  This is not news.  I’m not going to go on and on with a general diatribe against airlines and airline passengers.

I’m going to start providing specific examples.

Let me start by saying that I don’t particularly love US Airways.  There is absolutely nothing special about them and, more often that not, they irritate the piss out of me.  But I fly them a lot because their hubs are in cities that I need to go to.  As a result, I have become a “Gold” member, which makes me giddy for no particular reason.  I don’t know exactly what it means, but I evidently no longer have to pay for my bags, wait in lines and they regularly bump me up to first class.  Cool, right?  I love that feeling of gliding by sad grumpy coach-class people (even though I am usually a sad grumpy coach-class person) when they announce “We’d like to board our First Class Customers now”.  I waltz down the jetway, claim my cushy seat and accept the glass of wine being offered by the pocket gay flight attendant.

This is the end of the benefit of flying first class.  There really isn’t anything else.

Case in point…yesterday I settled in for a flight to Tampa, ready to kick back and enjoy the calm, quiet, refined aura of first class.  But then a woman with two very small children took the seats right across from me.  This can’t be right?  Who brings babies in first class?!  No no no no….

Turns out – the babies were great!  Their supermom juggled them, fed them, changed them (NOT in the seat as I’ve seen in the past), and kept them sleepy and happy.  They even covered their mouths when they coughed!  LOVE this mom!

The problem was the woman sitting next to me.  As soon as I sat down she shoved at least 3 pieces of gum in her mouth and proceeded to chew them with her mouth open.  And I got to watch.  Fun! 

Woman: Hi.  (chomp) (chomp) (spit) I’m sorry I have so much stuff.  Do you mind if I use all this center area? (chomp) (chomp)
Me: …(wiping spit off my arms)

And this woman could CHEW!  She chewed for HOURS.  Her jaw strength and endurance was amazing.  If she has a man in her life that can put up with the gum chewing, I’m willing to be that, with that mouth strength, he is a VERY happy man.

An hour into the flight she kicked off her tall black boots (eww).  And proceeded to make several trips to the bathroom…in her socks!

I looked around at my fellow passengers to see if I was the only one that was appalled by socks in the ‘pee on the floor closet’…three were asleep and one was elbow deep into his nose.


Just observations from one travel day.  More to come.


  1. No way would I go anywhere in an airport/airplane in just my socks. Nasty to the Nth.

    Kudos to the kickass mama who had her kids under control!

  2. Omg, I laughed out loud again about the babies covering their mouths!

  3. Supermom was AWESOME! I wanted to curl up with the babies on her side of the plane, where there were crackers and juice...and no gum.