It was the perfect time, really. The Princess was going to be with her dad all weekend. I could lock myself away for a couple of days and see what happened.
Cleanse of body, you ask. How would one do that?
Notice the kick-ass bendy straw.
Yes, juice. All juice. Nothing but juice. All weekend.
And not just any juice. Juice with veggies and fruit and nuts other shit I'd just rather not know about.
About a week ago, as I lay on my couch with a box of Cheese Nips and a glass of wine, I decided that I needed to kick start some healthier living. So I did some research online, ordered the Blueprint Cleanse for Friday delivery, poured another glass of wine and toasted my impending healthiness.
On Friday, I locked myself in and started.
The idea is that you get 6 juices to drink over the course of the day. Just juice. No food. This gives your digestive system a chance to take a break and eventually curbs your craving for processed carbs and Cheese Nips. Or that's the theory.
(I should note here that the Blueprint Cleanse people don't actually claim to curb cravings for Cheese Nips. That's a claim that is just so fantastic that the FDA would most certainly want to regulate their juice as a drug.)
I also decided that this was also the perfect opportunity to cleanse my overstuffed closet.
My non-scientific findings...
Oh, who am I kidding. I've got nothing interesting to write about. I drank juice, I was a bitch to anybody who dared call me, I lost a few pounds, I tried to bribe a friend to bring me a steak, I took five bags of stuff to Goodwill and I found a Marc Jacobs bag in the back of my closet that I forgot about.
Also, I am happy to report that I have been back on solid-ish food for a whole day and have not yet had a Cheese Nip.
I give it a week.