Saturday, April 10, 2010

Why the world would blow up if the Ritz-Carlton offered porn

Well people, I tried.  For those of you just joining us here, I have selflessly taken it upon myself to point out to the Ritz-Carlton that their decision not to offer porn in their hotel rooms is a mistake of epic proportions. 

In review, about a week ago I sent this to the Ritz-Carlton...

Dear Ritz-Carlton,

I recently stayed at your Key Biscayne property. Good job. The windows were really clean and sparkly.

But, seriously, why no porn? This oversight might be enough to force me to take my business to the Holiday Inn.

Thank you.

(P.S. Love the pens!)

I was not really expecting a response, but HEY, whaddya know...Patrick, Edward and Charlie's assistant kindly responded to my inquiry...
Hello Jane,

Thank you for your comments regarding the cleanliness of our hotel, we certainly take pride in that. To answer to your question, it is world-wide company policy that we do not offer any adult pay-per-view options.

Please let me know if I may be of any further assistance.


Texa Gaya
Executive Administrative Assistant to
Patrick Franssen, Hotel Manager

Edward Boylan, Executive Assistant Manager/ Rooms Division
Charlie Zha, Director of Food and Beverage
The Ritz-Carlton, Key Biscayne
455 Grand Bay Dr.
Key Biscayne, FL 33149

"Miami's Only AAA Five Diamond Resort"

So what I have surmised from this... (1) the Ritz-Carlton thinks that they are too good for porn and has a snooty no-porn "policy" that says this; and (2) Texa must have taken a super-long lunch and pissed off Patrick, Edward and Charlie and now they are punishing her by making her answer my inane emails.

When I first received the email, I was actually staying at the Ritz in Washington, DC and was all like "Phfftttt...snobs!" but then I went downstairs and saw a huge sign directing military-looking people to "German/American Bi-Lateral Discussions" and I said "Ohhhhhh....." 

I get it now.  I guess you can't offer porn if you are going to be hosting very important international bi-lateral discussions because if you had porn in the rooms, nobody would come downstairs for the bi-lateral discussions and then the world would explode.  So I get it now.  The Ritz is only trying to protect world peace.

Regardless, I am happily ensconced in The Heavenly Bed at the Westin in Houston and I love the Westin.  I checked....the Westin has porn.  Whew.

"All Sex and No Plot" - Yeah Westin!


  1. All sex and no plot! NON STOP!?!? That's the best kind of porn right there!

    I firmly believe that The Ritz should have one of their diamonds taken away because of their no-porn policy. Why should they be rewarded for exclusion of a whole demographic? Sex addicts are people too. Especially those that love all sex and no plot.

  2. You are so badass! Truly bitch fabulous!

    LMAO@Salt for suggesting that The Ritz should lose one of their jewels!

    You girls are so bad!

  3. I have been checking. Did you know that you can't find out on hotel websites if they have porn

    ...and when you call to ask, the phone folks sometimes give the strangest responses.

  4. Dude, Texa Gaya is a PORN name! That's why they made her respond. She's the porn handler.

  5. Salt - I totally agree with you. I think that the Ritz would actually be a lovely location for the sex addicts in next season's Sober House with Dr. Drew.

    Bitch - You and Salt are dead-on about the jewels. So not worthy!

    IT - I think you need to start a website dedicated solely to what hotels are currently carrying what porn. See...I just gave you your million dollar idea. I expect a cut.

    Fragrant - Love it! Actually, in IT's world, Texa Gaya would be the starting short stop for the Ritz-Carlton Porn Stars softball team.

  6. make sure to check out mine..."Doing it bloggey style" only available at super 8's! Wait, does super 8 still exist?

  7. wow.... people just need to get over... I mean get more porn *winks*

  8. Well, glad to hear you were able to find a more porn-friendly establishment. The nerve of some people. Enjoyed your blog. If you get a minute sometime, please drop by my Lost in the Hive blog.


  9. All sex and no plot. LMAO that's great.