Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Douche Douche Award of the Week (because sometimes one “Douche” just isn’t enough)

I realize that this is old news by now (relatively speaking), but since there are some of you out there that are still asking “Volcano? What volcano?”, I figured that there are also many of you out there who have not heard about this…

Sometimes sports fans vomit on each other.  On purpose.

This is so great.  And horrible.  But mostly great, because of this picture, which will likely go down in the Nick Nolte Mug Shot Hall of Fame…

There are somewhat varying accounts, but let me see if I can give you the high-level.

An off-duty cop takes his 15 and 11-year old daughters to a Phillies game.

Two couples sitting behind the off-duty cop and his daughters are drunk and unruly and stupid.  They swear and yell obscenities and spill beer down the backs of the cop and his daughters and are generally douche-y to everyone.

The cop is trying to ignore it.  The 15-year old tells them to please mind their language.

Bad idea.

The friend of drunk fat kid in the mug shot (the co-douche, as it were) hawks a lugee into the hood of the 15-year old’s sweatshirt.  This is, sadly, the least gross part of this story.

The off-duty cop is PISSED.  Security is called and the co-douche is dragged out of the stadium and summarily dumped on his douche-y ass in the parking lot.

Fat kid is now left with the dates (and I bet they are WINNERS, these dates).  He’s kinda upset now that his friend is gone and is thinking that his women are going to think he’s a giant pussy if he doesn’t, like, show everybody what a bad-ass he is and make those little girls PAY for having his friend tossed.


Oh yes.  He.  Did.

The cop and some neighboring fans move to subdue fat kid.  Fat kid starts swinging.  Fans try a little harder.  Fat kid begins to projectile vomit – probably not so much intentionally this time.  After all, there’s only so much beer and hot dogs and beer and nachos and beer and crab fries that one can consume and not throw up after being punched in the gut and, evidently, the eye. 

Fat kid is arrested and charged with assault, harassment and resisting arrest and immediately goes down in "bad fan" history.

I wish that I could take credit for the following comparison... 

...although this seems monumentally unfair to Sloth.

Joe Sports Fan has some other fantastic separated at birth comparisons.

I'll be wearing a rain coat and football helmet to the game I'm going to on Monday.

In totally unrelated news and in a minor victory of technology, Lazy Jane's Reader Fav blog roll is up and running ------->>

And there are some late additions (better late than never!), so make sure you also check out...

I'll be updating the list periodically so make sure you continue to send me your true blog loves as the mood strikes.

I now have so many freakin' awesome blogs in my personal blog roll that I can no longer dedicate any time to working, parenting or housekeeping.  Your fault.  


  1. OMG I thought that was a really ugly woman at first. I can't believe it THREW UP on that little girl. I am going to be in shock for at least a half hour following this post.

  2. Looooooooooooooooooser! Oh, man, one can only hope they zapped him in the gonads and rendered him unable to reproduce his loathsome kind.

    By the way, I've added YOUR link to MY sidebar. And thanks!

  3. I can't believe he threw up on the girl.... wow...

  4. I gotta promote another Blog. Parenthood[sic].
    I'd've used the real name, but I don't swear...


  5. oh my gosh! I read that and was disgusted! That guys a hottie! Hahahah

  6. Somehow I'm not surprised it happened in Philadelphia...

  7. The fuck?


    This is why I don't go to sports events.

  8. I hadn't heard this story. It's so disturbing and disgusting that I'm at a loss for words. Who behaves that way?!?! I think you got it right; only the douchiest of the douchebags purposely vomits on an 11 year-old girl!

  9. It's shit like this that makes me never want to have kids. I can't raise someone in this crazy, self-induced vomit world!

  10. This whole story is simply disgusting. I am glad you posted it though, because things like this always make me feel like my life is somewhat drama free!

    P.S. I'm still laughing my ass off about you getting a call from the school regarding a freakin zit!

  11. I had read about this and was horrified! People are simply crazy!