Thursday, April 29, 2010

So...what'cha been up to?

I bet this is what you have been asking non-stop for the last few days.

What the hell HAS Jane been up to?

Well, outside of the whole Technorati stalking episode, let me fill you in.

Flight to Phoenix.
Check in to Ritz Carlton.
Check to see if Ritz Carlton has had change of heart with respect to porn policy because of artfully-worded and emotional letter from Jane.
Nope.  No porn.  Bastards.
Dinner with Boy at sports bar.  Drink bad chardonnay.
Back to hotel.
Watch SportsCenter with Boy.

Sleep in.
Pat Boy on head and send him on his way.
Drink bad chardonnay at baseball game.  Why, you ask?  Because I can.
Dinner with Boy and Boy's family and Boy's friends and people that the Boy doesn't really know but who came anyway.
Go back to hotel.
Still no porn.  Fuckin' Ritz.
Watch SportsCenter with Boy.

More sleep.
Boy leaves at some point.  No idea when.  Just really really early.
Blame lack of morning comprehension on bad chardonnay.
Flight to San Francisco.
Drink bad chardonnay on flight.  Hair of the dog.
Get car.  Go home.  Pat Princess on head.  Re-pack suitcase.
Meet Boy at hotel downtown (not Ritz).
Watch SportsCenter with Boy.  Sadly, too tired to watch porn.

Wake up.
Pat Boy on head and send him on his way.
Annoying work-type stuff.
Meet friends for many margaritas.
Room service.
Drink good chardonnay.
Watch SportsCenter with Boy.

Wake up...sort of.
Super annoying work type-stuff.
Fabulous lunch with the Boy.
Pat Boy on head and send him on his way.
More annoying work-type stuff.
Think about shopping but get caught in rain as soon as I leave the hotel.  Take it as a sign that I definitely shouldn't shop.
Red Bull.
Bad midnight food with bad chardonnay at only diner open in the entire city of San Francisco.
Watch SportsCenter with Boy.

Wake up EARLY.
Go home.
Pick up Princess early from school. (Excuse: She has an "appointment".  No need to mention baseball.)  School gives me dirty look.
Drive back downtown to stadium.
Baseball with the Princess.
Eat bad food and great ice cream.  Drink bad chardonnay.
Extra innings baseball.
Meet up with Boy after game for approximately 8.5 seconds before he has to get on a plane.
Go home.
Help Princess with homework that she conveniently forgot she had on the way to the game.
Definitely don't watch SportsCenter.

This may or may not have happened.  I have no actual recollection.

Any questions?


  1. LOL..what a weekend. One after my own heart (swap Chardonnay for Cab.) And no flying balls to the head please.

  2. You need to download some porn to your phone so you don't have to depend on the Ritz for it....

  3. I see a need for a new late night show on _SPN: PORNcenter.
    Heck! They could even do live segments. But I don't want to see John Kruk or Ron Jaworski naked.

  4. why am I not on your readers list??WTF? Hahaha

  5. Yeah, that is a great weekend, right there... I just do the sleep, chardonnay, sleep chardonay off some weekend... Sometimes I get lucky and sleep walk chardonnay drinking.

    All those pats on Boy's head,... which head exactly?

  6. Jenny - I can't do Cab because I would inevitably spill it on myself and everything and everyone around me. I'm not exactly grace in motion.

    JP - Phone porn? I have not heard of this phenomenon. Is there an app for that?

    IT - Erin Andrews, maybe?

    Jessica - Then I think you should suggest yourself as a reader of your own blog!

    Bitch - I cannot disclose that information...but very intuitive observation.

  7. Yes...I have questions!

    1. What's with the porn?
    2. Boy plays baseball as his job? Why is boy so anonymous on Jane's blog?
    3. Does your ex really live in your living room?
    4. What's up with the bad chardonnay?

  8. RN Mama - ask good questions.

    1. I'm not a regular purchaser of hotel porn, but I love looking at the available titles because they're funny. I'm still sore at the Ritz for denying me this absolute right to laugh at funny porn titles when I stay there.

    2. The Boy works in baseball and has requested anonymity for his own reasons. I figure that if I want to continue to get laid on a regular basis, I should respect this request.

    3. My ex does really live in my living room at the moment. On a blow-up mattress (if you go back to the first month or so of this blog, there is actually a picture of the blow-up mattress). He has been living there periodically for the last 3 months while he searches for a job and/or a new wife. The good news is that he should be moving out soon. The bad news is that he is an excellent live-in nanny (which is appropriate seeing as how the Princess is his child too) and I'll have to be a full-time single parent again. Truth is always stranger than fiction.

    4. Turns out that good chardonnay is difficult to find at ball parks, sports bars and on airplanes. Who knew. It is, however, my responsibility to try them all.

  9. What a week/weekend! Yowza!! I also like to peruse the hotel porn selection just to laugh at the titles.

    I have a couple awards for you on my blog!

  10. Hey there's another Elle and I noticed (stalked?) that she likes knitting too... although I am quite certain her idea of knitting is not the same as mine.

    Now back to Jane.

    Yes. M'dear. There is an app for that. But you don't need it. :)

    Quite drinking bad Chardonnay. Bring your own sweetie.

  11. If you ever find the illusive "good" chardonnay, I might suggest spring for a case.

  12. Thanks for answering my questions, you're the best!

    Ok, but can you tell me "the boy" a baseball player? You don't have to answer if it will affect your ability to get laid.

  13. Elle (1) - Awww...thanks so much darlin'! XO

    Elle (2) - There's an app for that?! Yeah!

    Robert - You are absolutely right. You'd think I could do that, living in Northern CA and all.

    RN Mama - LMAO - He's not playing. You crack me up.