The holiday most likely to make you feel like an absolute, complete, total wretch.
Even if you are in a relationship, the expectation of the holiday is enough to drive anyone mad. No matter what you do, it's never enough, is it?
And speaking as a female, it really is all about us. Valentine's Day is a holiday where, you - the male - must bring us - the females - many presents. You must make us feel beautiful and special and appreciated. And face it, with only one day to work with and crazy expectations, only the power of magic Valentine fairies could make us feel beautiful and special and appreciated.
If you bring us chocolate, we won't eat it because it's fattening and will wish that you had given us flowers. If you bring us flowers, we'll smile but then toss them in a day or two and wish that you had given us jewelry. And if you bring us jewelry...well, maybe we actually will feel beautiful and special and appreciated...and you'll probably get laid.
And if you're single on Valentine's Day...oh holy hell. You're faced with constant reminders on television, in the mall, in magazines, online and even in the grocery store of what a lonely loser you are.
Why has one day been set aside in the calendar year specifically to make everybody miserable?
I made the magnificent mistake the other day of watching the movie "Valentine's Day". I wanted to stick my head in the oven halfway through.
Good thing I don't know how to turn on the oven.
But I'm coping. I find that if I put on blinders and turn the cynicism up full blast, it makes it much easier.
Last week, I saw roses in the grocery store and felt sad. Today, I saw roses in the grocery store and thought "what a crap gift...they'll be dead in a dumpster in two days".
Last week, I saw a happy commercial for some "real" couple who met on eHarmony and knew INSTANTLY that they were each other's sole mate and thought "awwww...that's sweet". Today, I saw the same commercial and thought "I bet after they made that commercial they started having wicked fights about the fact that he only wants Kool-Aid instead of wine with dinner and won't move in with her because he would 'miss Mom'".
Last week, I saw a website that was featuring a stunning diamond necklace and thought "wow, that would be an amazing Valentine gift". Today, I surfed by the same site and thought "wow, that would be an amazing Valentine gift".
Hey, everybody has a price.
I'm not completely alone in my cynicism. The Princess has a crush on a 12-year old "older man", who apparently doesn't know that she is alive. She saw the same flowers today in the grocery store and said "flowers are stupid".
We bumped fists. Solidarity!
So on Valentine's Day, I'm going to grit my teeth, ignore the fuss and take the Princess out to dinner.
And maybe, just maybe, hope a little that there is love out there somewhere.