Sunday, June 6, 2010

Jane has questions

I've spent the weekend with a child who continues to cross the border between "sick" and "not sick", which, as those of you who are parents know, is something akin to parental purgatory.  The Princess has a hacking cough that she inherited from me, which she cannot seem to shake, and a fever which fires up every 4 days or so.  So sometimes she is fine and wants to do things and sometimes she is miserable and wants to make everyone around her miserable as well.

Truly my child.

So I've had a lot of down-time to ponder some of the world's great riddles.

Like...would more women enjoy sports if they weren't subject to male dominance of the remote-control?

This occurred to me as I flipped back and forth between the NBA playoffs and the Stanley Cup.


I never in a million years would have watched either of these events when I was married.  My Ex would do the flipping back and forth between sporting events and I would ignore it all and read a book.  Now that it's MY remote and MY TV, I can't get enough.  I'm interested.  I'm involved.  I don't get it.

Sometimes I flip between Toddlers & Tiaras and Sportscenter.  Explain that.

Or this...why is it that you only see The Club installed on the cars that nobody would want to steal anyway?

I happened across this hoopty gem in the parking lot of Whole Foods nestled between a BMW and an Audi.  What you can't see in this picture is the fabulous fur trimmed pimp coat tossed across the front seat.  And the pile of similar apparel piled high in the back seat.  Which leads me to believe that the use of the Club in this case is not dissimilar to a home alarm system.

And, speaking of Whole Foods...why does it cost the same to eat unhealthy for 2 weeks as it does to eat healthy for 4 days?  

I've almost completely cut meat and processed crap out of my diet and have decided that I officially need a raise.  Fresh food is fuckin' expensive.  No wonder we're all ginormous...Cheez Its are WAY cheaper than veggies.  Which leads me to...

How is it that we haven't found a way to completely eliminate food from day-to-day life anyway?  Food is a nuisance.  I want to just take a pill in the morning and be done with it for the day.  And not just like a 'fun' pill that makes you forget everything...I could do that now.  I want all my nutrition pre-calorie counted for me and in pill form, please.  And we could solve world hunger in the process.  If we, as a society, can figure out how to recreate the Big Bang AND Heidi Pratt's face, why can't we do this?

I have other questions, but it's Sunday night and I want to watch the Milwaukee v. St. Louis game, which has gone into extra innings.

All answers welcome.


  1. My ex is soccer fanatic, pro and all. I had to sit through countless matches and I don't care for soccer much. HOWEVER, the players are something else, short shorts, lean heard bodies,.. Yeah, I watched sports with him. We had different motivations, but we watched the same.

    As for the food elimination thing,.. I am just pondering your food obs of late...

  2. Im always flipping between gandland and horders...Im a ganster

  3. i totally agree with you on the price of eating healthy. so unfair!

    my take on the club thing is the cars are driven by older folk. i laughed at this on a recent trip to florida. all old bombs with clubs on them. didn't even know they still made the club!

  4. I'm still married so I let him flip through the sports...while I read...and eat Cheez-Its ; )

  5. I've always wanted to food pill. That would be so awesome.

    It probably is their home on wheels. Plus you know how those BMW and Audi drivers are. Got to pay for those cars someway.

  6. It ain't the car they're protecting. It's the drugs in the trunk.
    If ya'll could buy farm direct, you could save on the healthy stuff.

  7. I have to say my hubby is pretty good about the remote thing. He usually lets me pretty much control it... which makes me feel guilty so I let him have it, then he turns on sports. So I guess I don't win.

  8. Toddlers and Tiars? Ohmyword, that show is such a train wreck!! Here's my question, why are the families on there always white trash? And how in the whole wide world do they pay for those dresses?

  9. Love that car with the club! Maybe they consider themselves ghetto fabulous!

    Me, I'm a Real Housewife ho' all the way. These girls of New York are killing me with their crazy bitch ways.

    And yes, If I could subside on Doritos and Ho Ho's my pocketbook would be a lot healthier than my heart.

  10. LOL. So true about the club.

    Though actually my dad used to have one when we were growing up.

  11. my first question would have been "do they really still sell The Club?". That car is probably it's owner's most important possesion. the Audi and BMW driver can probably deal with the inconvenience of having their car stolen whereas the poor sap who drives the beat up car knows that if his car gets stolen it could mean he can't get to work to pay the bills for the month.

    I love a woman who likes sports - or at least can understand that I like sports and be okay with it :)

  12. I like where your brain goes when your daughter is vascillating between healthy and sick. I do hope she's fully recovered.
    I drove a little beat up Ford Festiva for 15 years and used the club for 15 years. I kinda felt powerful with it. It was a "don't mess with me" thing, having nothing to do with my car.

  13. OMG finally someone who has had the same food dream as I... a complete turkey dinner in a single pill. When I was a kid that was the promise of the Space Program. I was soooo hoping for that. I wanted to be an astronaut and my mom's cooking was so nauseatingly horrible, I longed for the meal-in-a-pill deal. I even emptied a tube of toothpaste and refilled it with a mashed-ed up banana to make my own space food.

    What did we all finally end up with? "Tang" and KFC. I am so disappointed. That and we never got the personal hover craft to commute to work work in we were promised either.