I was COMPLETELY off on this one (sorry Salt), but it made me think about this poor headline-making bear some more.
Click here for a link to the news story.
In a nutshell...
A guy walks into a meat market (sounds like the beginning of a great joke, right?) and mentions to the clerk that "Hey, there's a huge dead bear on the sidewalk outside of your store!".
And, sure enough, there was a huge dead bear on the sidewalk outside of the store.
It appears that the 300 lb black bear had been fatally shot in the shoulder and dumped outside the residential area market.
So how does a 300 lb bear end up in front of a meat market?
The Bay Area is just all aflutter with the possibilities. Even though this is Northern California and we have lots and lots of bears and lots and lots of stupid people and it is bear hunting season, one of our crack local news teams called the Oakland Zoo to make sure they had all their bears.
Zoo Representative: Huh?
Reporter: BEAR! DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR BEARS?!
Zoo Representative: Yah, um, why again?
Reporter: THERE'S A DEAD BLACK BEAR IN SAN LEANDRO!
Zoo Representative: You know it's hunting season, right?
Reporter: BLACK BEARS! AGH!
Zoo Representative: The Oakland Zoo only has Borneo Sun bears, sir. We don't have any black bears.
Reporter: IT COULD BE ONE OF YOUR BEARS....OH MY GOD WHAT A GREAT STORY IT WOULD BE IF IT WAS ONE OF YOUR BEARS! "OAKLAND BEAR TRAGICALLY SHOT TRYING TO ESCAPE LIFE IN OAKLAND!" OH MY GOD KATIE COURIC MIGHT WANT TO DO ME AFTER THIS!!
Zoo Representative: We don't have black bears, sir.
Reporter: GO COUNT YOUR FUCKING BEARS!
Zoo Representative to colleague: Norma, please go count the bears.
Zoo Representative: GO COUNT THE FUCKING BEARS!
Needless to say all bears in the Oakland Zoo were present and accounted for. I can just picture them raising their arms one at a time as the zoo personnel called out the roll...
Zoo personnel: Bob?
Zoo personnel: Sheila?
Zoo personnel: Ducky? ((silence)) Ducky?
Zoo personnel: What's wrong with you, Ducky? Bob, you can put your arm down now.
Zoo personnel: Ducky, did you have anything to do with the dead bear? Bob, seriously, put your arm down.
Sheila: Ducky ordered the hit.
Zoo personnel: Ducky???
Ducky: Shut the fuck up, Sheila! Man, dude was an ASSHOLE! Owed me MONEY. DUMPED my sister. Fuckah DESERVED what was coming. He's TACO meat now, man!
That's one theory at least.
Frankly, my own personal opinion is that the poor thing offed himself after having to watch hours and hours of Meg Whitman / Jerry Brown ads for the California governor's race. Lost his will to live.
I understand completely.