Friday, May 10, 2013

Google says my target audience is porn-loving volcanologists...Hooray!

So it seems that a lot can happen in two years.

I took a sabbatical from all things fun and internet-y and -- geez -- I missed some good stuff.  For example...
  • Donald Trump (in general)
  • Anthony Weiner's junk
  • Arnold's love child
  • Occupy Everything
  • Lindsey Lohan's arrest(s)(s)(s)
  • #Winning
  • Mitt Romney
  • Hulk Hogan's sex tape
  • Octomom porn (unrelated to Hulk Hogan - pity)
I seriously didn't log on to Blogger or look at "Jane" for over a year.  When I did decide to go back, it went something like...

Ok, I remember the name of the site, but where do I log in?
Shit, what was my password again?
Wasn't there an email associated with this?
Wait while Google resends password.
Wait some more....
Still waiting...
Google sucks.
I'm IN!
WTF?!  Everything is all moved around.  Fucking Blogger. 
People still visit this shit?  Shut up!  Ummm.....why?
So Facebook doesn't think my 15 "likes" is enough to keep up my inactive, unvisited page for 2 years?!  Fucking Facebook.
Ooooo...audience statistics! Say huh?? (Or in Wayne's World - Asphinctersayswhat???) 

It turns out that there an enormous entertainment/learning gap out there for porn-loving volcanologists.  And I know this because Google says so.  AND I AM HERE TO FULFILL THEIR NEEDS.  Because that's how I roll.

For reasons unknown to Jane and/or mankind, far and away the most popular post over the last several years on My Life As Jane (from a sheer visits standpoint) has been the volcanologist post.  Go figure.  You just can't plan for these things.

I think that once the excitement of the Eyjafjallajokull volcano eruption in Iceland wore off, the volcanologists had nothing else to do but to scan the internet for any mention of their
Eyjafjallajokull glory days - or just validation of the existence of their chosen career path in general.  And porn. 

So imagine their delight and surprise when they found reference to all of the above on one site.  Score!

Until, of course, they realized that there really wasn't any ACTUAL porn. 

Alternate theory...

There also seems to be a large percentage of visitors from the Ukraine.  "Eyjafjallajokull" and "volcanologist" could maybe be mistaken for Ukrainian-sounding search terms.  "Porn" is universal.  So maybe I'm just drawing horny Ukrainians who can't spell.

Either/or...whichever.

I am dedicated to providing entertainment for both volcanologists and horny Ukrainians.  But I think I need to broaden my reach to maybe include seismologists too.  They seem like a larger, harder-working, more socialized group as a whole.  Not that they're cooler than volcanologists....but, well, they're cooler than volcanologists.  And they have better job security.

So...volcanologists - I am here for you.  Truly.  I will post weekly pictures of exploding volcanoes with subtle porn innuendo just for you.  But can you bring along a seismologist friend?  I need to expand my demographics.

4 comments:

  1. I think those same Ukrainians and a bunch of their neighbors from Russia are visiting my place

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  2. Why did you come back? I'm not complaining - just wondering. I rarely blog lately but I'm trying to pick it up again. For some reason I haven't been discovered yet by a big publishing house so I guess I have to keep putting shit out there.

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  3. @Wow - Long story short...I just found time again. It got to be too much with grad school so I shelved it for awhile. I don't have any grand designs. I discovered I'm a slightly more tolerable person if I have a shit-spewing creative outlet.

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